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, by Shannon Thomas LCSW
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Product details
File Size: 13767 KB
Print Length: 286 pages
Publisher: MAST Publishing (August 30, 2016)
Publication Date: August 30, 2016
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B01JR4ST9S
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#13,763 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
This is by far one of the best books that I have read on the topic of psychological abuse. This book happened to land in my hands at a crucial time. I am in a psychologically abusive marriage where I am now going through a divorce. I needed something that could help me through this journey most of all I needed someone to tell me what I had walked through was not my fault or that I was crazy. I also needed a bigger understanding about what I was dealing with. This book has become a healing balm on this journey of mine to healing and wholeness. The chapter titled "The Basics of Psychological Abuse introduces what this type of abuse is really about and who are the abusers. The authors lets us know that is is a "stereotype that only men are narcissists, sociopath or psychopath." In this chapter of the book where the author talks about individual abusers where "The Toxic love interest or spouse "was very impactful for me. The author states "The person who was intended to be the safe harbor in life is actually silently drowning them. This is done right in plain sight." This was very meaningful to me because I was drowning in the waters of psychological abused inflicted by my husband yet the assumption by others was that I had a good husband. This book has validated the pain and lack of understanding that I have faced. This book contains so many healing and enlightening points too many for me to even list here.The author also took me on a journey through the six stages of recovery from hidden abuse which are as follows: despair, education, awakening, boundaries, restoration and maintenance. I admonish every person who is dealing with this type of abuse to get this book and gift it as well. I am a case manger and qualified mental health specialist and I would admonish professional to read this as well. All battered women shelters should have copies of this book.During my stay in one after I left my husband I saw that many women there were baffled by the way abusers had treated and made them feel . They were made to feel crazy because no one could see the actual scars or bruises. I am thankful for this piece of work a healing manual and education for the masses. I received an advanced copy of the book for an honest review.
I have been on a journey of discovery for a few months now by finally realizing my mom is a narcissist. I've read so many books on the subject, and Healing from Hidden Abuse is by far my favorite.When I first discovered the book, I was looking more for one from the perspective of a mother/daughter relationship but not a spouse. I had read others from that perspective and avoided some that were specifically referring to romantic relationships. Because this book wasn't specifically about the parent narcissist, I wasn't sure I'd buy it. The introduction had me hooked! She even stated what I had already told my husband--no two books have the same information, and you have to just learn what you can from each.The biggest takeaway for me was reading that psychological abusers set out to trick people, know exactly what they do, and it is a choice to be an abuser. As the author states, "They actually know better than anyone the lies they tell, the games they play, and the enjoyment they derive from controlling others." This was exactly what I needed to hear and believe, and it has been key to my healing. All of the books I read before would go into such detail about how the abusers were injured in childhood and couldn't help their actions, and only some would briefly mention that they were still responsible for their actions. I was left wondering 'how'. How could I feel badly towards someone also probably injured in childhood? How exactly are they still responsible for their actions if they can't actually control their actions? They weren't connecting the dots, and I was left feeling guilty (a common trait for a child of a narcissist). Shannon Thomas answered those questions in her book. It really is a choice to be an abuser, and, yes, they are aware of what they do. That explanation fits with my childhood experience, as everything was always very calculated. You don't do the things a narcissist does by accident. That's why there are books explaining their tactics because there are specific tactics that they use! They absolutely know what they are doing.I've already read through this book twice and have highlighted many quotes to go back to for quick reminders. I've found myself sharing more information from this book with others who know I'm on this journey than any other book I've read. Highly recommend!
Psychological abuse is hidden, insideous, and it's effects are real. I was in a relationship for only 9 months, so I thought something must surely be wrong with me, when months later, even after I'd forgiven him, I still struggled with self doubt as I tried to "move on". I felt shame for not being strong enough or smart enough to have prevented the emotional harm. He was very successful at portraying a false image of piety & righteousness, which made it especially difficult to find support in the religious community in which we both belonged. Then someone recommended this book and all the missing pieces began to fall into place as I learned about the phases of a toxic relationship: idealization, devaluation, & discard, and about the meaning and significance of words such as: love bombing, gaslighting, projection, triangulation, smear campaigns, hoovering, silent treatment, and flying monkeys. Without exception, they all accurately described, in detail, what I had been through. It was validating, and therefore healing, to finally realize why I felt so traumatized,... to understand why it was difficult to "just let it go", as well intentioned friends had advised,... to give myself permission to feel the pain, and grieve the loss of something that was never real,... to admit to myself that I had been deceived & abused,... and to give myself the time to heal. I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling to recover from an emotionally destructive relationship, or to those who want to learn more about psychological abuse.
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